When I look back on my life I feel like there have been so many times that I have been fleeing one situation and jumping into another trying to escape the first situation. The saying comes to mind, “The grass is always greener on the other side”. I don’t believe that the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. I admit that there have been times that I could have made situations in my life better by changing my perspective or being more patient before I jumped ship. There have also been times that the grass I was standing on was dead and never going to be revived.
I am the type of person that looks to the future, a forward thinker, and I love setting goals and dreaming of how I want my life to be. I spend a lot of time doing that. I take time and pray about my goals and dreams and ask God how I can come about achieving them. I ask that I not pass up any opportunities that would afford me the luxury of realizing my goals and dreams. Then as time passes on and my prayers aren’t immediately answered, or just “taking too long” in my opinion, I get frustrated with my life and feel down on myself for not getting to where I want to be. Never mind how far I’ve come! I seem to always let that slip my mind.
In all those prayers, I believe in my whole heart that God hears me and that he sets into motion those things that are in His will for my life, and so I wait in faith, knowing that my dreams will someday be a reality, but then like I said before, I start to get frustrated when it seems like I’m nowhere closer to my dreams and goals than I was before. I seem to always grow dissatisfied with how my life is in the present.
I didn’t realize this about myself until recently. I was feeling frustrated and dissatisfied, as usual, and I was wondering what lesson I was suppose to be learning in my time of waiting on the Lord. What was I missing? I thought I was doing the right things – looking for jobs that I felt would make me happier and more fulfilled, dating men who I felt had potential to be “the one” and trying to be positive and inspiring to others. I was not getting anywhere though. My actions did not seem to be bearing any fruits!
I look to my future and I see myself in a career that I am completely fulfilled by and making so much money that I am able to bless others financially, like how I want. I see myself with a man who is able to love me and open his heart and his life to me because he can trust and he can’t see his life without me in it, a man who loves the Lord and serves Him along with me, we encourage each other and love each other to pieces! My future shows me traveling all over the world all throughout the year with nothing holding me back. I see these things and I want them so badly, and I believe that I can have them all! The thing that I realized that was happening was that in all my dreaming of the future I was not even enjoying my time in the present. I was so dissatisfied that things weren’t how I want them to be, or at least moving towards where I wanted them to be, that I was missing out on the good things that were happening to me now and that have been happening to me. I realize that I am a blessed person and I thank God for those blessings, I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to stay in that attitude of thankfulness in the present.
I was talking with my mom the other day and she has been listening to me complain about how frustrated I am that I can’t seem to get out of the rut that I am in. She always listens and encourages me as best as she can. This day, however, she said to me that she believes that I need to work on being content with my life as it is. She continued to say that she felt that I may be blocking my own blessings with my growing dissatisfaction with my current life! I couldn’t disagree with her. I was growing distraught with my life…and my life is NOT BAD. It was my own bad attitude that was making it seem that way. During that conversation with my mom I began telling her how I really believe that God will follow through with His promises to me, but that sometimes I just grow frustrated that I have to wait so long. As I was telling her that I realized something. If I really believed that God was going to follow through then there is no reason that I should be feeling any frustration or angst or dissatisfaction with my life. Was it possible that I didn’t trust God?? This revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew I had trust issues but I though that GOD wouldn’t be included in them…for crying out loud!! So after that conversation with my mom my prayer changed. I began praying that God would #1 help me to have more faith and trust in Him and #2 to help me to be content with my current life. I desire the peace that contentment brings and even if I’m not where I want to be in different aspects of my life, that doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy every moment until I get there. I am so happy that my mom saw the importance of telling me that because I wasn’t seeing it myself and if she hadn’t told me I could still be sitting in that unhappy state that I was in and growing even unhappier.
I hope that everyone reading this has people in their lives, or even just one person that they feel safe with and can tell their issues to without fear of being hurt or rejected. Its those people that can tell it to us straight when we really need to hear something that maybe we wouldn’t hear from someone else that we didn’t feel as close to. If you don’t have a person like that in your life then I urge you to find one. Be honest about your flaws and allow someone to show you that they will accept you and will love you anyway. I guarantee that with people like that in your life you will begin to feel the peace of contentment and you will be able to enjoy your present life no matter what phase you are in!